Forget Me Not Ch.51 TEASER :)

Wow, it's been quite some time since I updated this fic, and for that I apologise.

Royal Duty - my other fic - has much shorter chapters, and a lot less depth, hence why it updates more often, so don't be thinking it's a favouritism thing, cause it's not :)

However, I've finished chapter 51 and it won't be long before you can read it! In the meantime, here's a little teaser to help you along :)

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Chapter 51 - Shake It Out

The days were bleeding into one another, but I was no longer watching them pass me by from the darkness of my room, or my spot on the sofa.

I was back at school, and while my headaches had me scowling my way through every class, and my workload making my heartbeat race, it was better than being at home.

I wasn’t alone; I had the option to talk to someone other than Kate if the desire should take me. I should add that it very rarely did, but it was sort of nice to have the choice.

Kate was still living with us, and she’d sort of become one of the family without even really trying. 

She made us breakfast, helped Alice with the designs she did in her spare time, and more than once I’d found her and dad sat out on the patio with a glass of wine in hand and hushed voices as they talked about whatever it was they actually did talk about.

I felt slightly jealous the first time. She was supposed to be there to help me, not joke with Emmett, sing along to the radio with Alice, and console my father over alcohol, but when I opened my eyes – after Bella had told me I needed to – I could see that she was helping my entire family.

She was bringing us together, talking to us all, getting us all to see the cracks and the problems, and helping us all deal with them. After that, I saw her as a sort of angel in disguise. She was pretty, kind, compassionate, intelligent and even funny, if she could help my dad get back everything he’d lost in himself, then I’d willingly give up my time with her to make it happen.

I hadn’t spoken to Bella since our conversation on the phone, but not through lack of trying on her part. She’d watch me during lunch and her eyes almost begged me to speak up again like I had that one day, but something always caught in the back of my throat and I’d just look back down at the table-top in silence.

It was stupid, but it was like I couldn’t make my tongue move. I’d asked Kate about it, why it was so easy to talk to her, but almost impossible in front of my friends. She’d said it was because I was too worried about what they thought of me and what they would think of me following whatever lame thing I said. Kate didn’t call it lame, I just knew that if I ever did speak up, it would be completely pointless to their conversation because I barely knew what was going on around me most of the time.

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Chapter should be up by the weekend!! 

Sarah x

FMN Ch.51 Title Track - Shake It Out

So, if you've been with me from the start, you'll know that I always used to do this.

However, with technical issues I gave up, but I'm really excited to be back to writing again, and I wanted to give you guys a little taster. I know it's not much yet, considering most of you will have heard this song a million times anyway.

Chapter 51 is in E's POV and things are moving on & loose ends are being tackled that haven't been yet. I hope most of you will get the glimpse of the future that you're looking for.  This fic is wrapping up, and while it may take me a while to write, I hope you'll all see the HEA you've been looking for all this time!

FMN Ch.50 Teaser :):)

Oh Dear Lord!

It is the season for miracles after all, so that must be what this is! Can you believe your eyes?? It's a Forget Me Not chapter!!!!!!!

Little teaser to whet your appetites, the chapter should be up no later than Wednesday!!!

Happy reading! If there's any of you left out there!!

xx

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Chapter 50 - Just A Phone Call Away

Would it be okay if I called you? E

And then again, signalling the arrival of another one.

Friends call each other, right? I don’t know anymore… E

Even in his simple texts I could feel his confusion and heartache, and it made the pain in my chest intensify. Instead of thinking about the consequences or texting him an answer, I let my thumb hover over his name before pressing the call button.

It only rang two times before he picked it up.

“Hey,” he whispered, his voice hoarse.

My throat completely closed over at the sound of his broken voice and the silence amplified the beating of my heart in my chest.

“Bella?” he asked, concern taking over in his tone, giving me the push I needed to actually answer him.

“Hi…” I sounded pathetic, but I had no idea how unprepared I was for so simple a thing as a phone call until it was happening.

His answering sigh let me know that even my pathetic greeting was enough. It helped ease the pain slightly, knowing that even the sound of my voice seemed to make whatever he was going through even a little more bearable.

“You’re not busy are you?”

I held back the laugh that wanted to bubble out of me. Since I’d cut him out of my life, I’d barely been able to fill up the hours in my day.

“Oh, you know. Lying in the dark contemplating life…” I wanted to face-palm so badly, but held it back and bit my tongue. I wasn’t quite sure how Edward would take such a strange answer.

When there was no answer, I whispered his name into the darkness, relishing the way my skin tingled and my mouth dried up at the mere mention of his name after so long.

“Tell me,” I whispered, no longer afraid to hear just exactly what he was going through. If either of us was going to make it out the other side, we’d need to be strong enough to face things head on.

“Every time I close my eyes I have a nightmare. It’s usually the same one…my crash, only you’re in the car, too, and no matter what I do, I can’t get you out in time. I can’t close my eyes without hearing you screaming, I can’t sleep without waking up screaming myself. Kate says I need to feel it, but there’s only so many times I can handle the thought of you dying only to wake up and realize it didn’t happen, Bella.”

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Ahhhhh, thank you all individually from the bottom of my heart if you're still with me on this! Your patience has been tried and tested many times! xxxxxx

FMN Ch.50 Teaser :)

Yes, you read that correctly!! :D

After months of nothing, I am working on chapter 50! Can't believe there are that many chapters, and that we've been on this journey for so long!

I want to thank you all for sticking with me, I do know it's been a very long time since we started out and that your patience has been tested many times!

I can't give you a date as to when this chapter will be posted, but I'm 3000 words into it so it shouldn't be too long!

In the meantime, enjoy this little tease, and I'll speak to you all soon!

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Chapter 50 - Just a Phone Call Away

My phone buzzed quietly from somewhere beside my ear and I rolled over, searching blindly on top of the covers for the little device. The screen lit up as I flipped it open, and everything around me just seemed to pause. I could no longer hear my dad or even the storm.

Edward had sent me a text.

My hands started to tremble as I remembered the last texts I had received from him. Sure enough, they were still there, three separate little bubbles of text one after the other.

I miss you.

I love you.

I’m sorry.

The newest one sat there underneath them, all innocent and innocuous. Just my name with a question mark, as if he wasn’t sure that was still my number. Granted, I could have changed it, so maybe he really was that unsure, but something told me he had no idea how else to start up a conversation, and giving the way I’d ended things and avoided him for weeks, I couldn’t exactly blame him.

It had been four days since our talk in the quad. I had spent my weekend in Port Angeles with Rose, first on Saturday shopping for a graduation dress, and again on Sunday with Alice too, both of them just spending an obscene amount of money on whatever grabbed their attention.

Alice said she just wanted to get out of the house. I was too chicken to ask her why. Rose never needed a reason to spend money. I was treated to lunch and we even had our nails done in a salon owned by one of Rose’s aunts.

Edward hadn’t come back to school after the weekend, and I knew it was because he was having a bad day. I hardly saw Alice all day, so I didn’t get to act on my new resolution to ask her how he was doing as often as I could.

But he was reaching out. He initiated our “friends” relationship by sending me a seemingly random text, but if he was having a bad day, then it was obvious it meant far more to him than that if he got a reply. My fingers could barely hit the right keys as I replied.

 

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xx

Forget Me Not Ch.49 TEASER :D

Hey guys!

I honestly have no idea if this is posting on time or not?? But it's not a three month wait so I guess I'm doing well anyways :D

We left Edward in a very dark place in the last chapter, and I decided to leave Bella alone for now to concentrate on E. This whole chapter is EPOV and I'd like to point out that while "not much" is happening, we are skipping forward through a few weeks in each chapter. Keep that in mind while reading :D

Onwards!

Chapter 49 - The Heart Never Lies

I’d begged Kate to take me off the pills, and it took her days to even slightly agree. She told me again and again that I couldn’t just stop taking them, that she was afraid of what I might do if I no longer had them.

She tried to tell me just how bad I was, but I couldn’t remember a time before them, so I had no idea if she was lying or not. She promised me eventually – after a week of begging – that she’d severely drop my dosage and only ever give me stronger pills when it was clear I needed them.

I didn’t ask how she would know. I didn’t want to know what was going through her head as she jotted down a new dosage for my dad to pick up at the hospital. There was something in her eyes when she looked at me, like she was scared, unsure of her decision.

If she was scared, then surely that meant I should be too. I didn’t want to be scared; I was a fucking coward and decided that I didn’t want to know in advance what I might go through in the future. I didn’t want to be constantly waiting around for my world to crash around my ears.

I didn’t know just how much she’d lowered my dosage by, but as the week passed, it was obvious it was miniscule if anything. I didn’t feel any better than I had, I still spaced out on way more occasions than I should have, and I slept all the fucking time.

The pain in my chest didn’t go away, I kept thinking maybe it would lessen with time, with pills, with seeing Bella every day at school, but it was always there, and always intensified tenfold when I lay on my bed at night.

Kate took to telling me that people who often go through breakups experience the same grief similar to when someone dies. She told me the same thing every time we had a new “session,” as if continually rubbing in that Bella was gone was best for me.

Maybe it was.

I’d given up fighting her on most things. I hadn’t given up fighting for me, or for Bella, but I had to trust that Carlisle and Kate knew what they were doing. If she thought keeping me on my medication was best, then it was.

I fucking hated the grogginess that settled over me – usually around mid-afternoon – but my body was beginning to finally rebuild its strength, and when night came, I was actually functional.

I continued to go to school, I continued to watch Bella like a hawk, but things had changed irrevocably. She was hurting too, and while it was wrong, I took comfort in that. Breaking up had been her idea, and no matter how hard I tried, there were still times when I wondered if she’d actually wanted to go separate ways and had just used me as an excuse.

Of course, in times of lucidity I knew that was ridiculous. I knew she loved me, maybe even more than I’d loved her at the time, and seeing the change in her at school led me to believe that us being apart was as hard on her as it was on me.

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This chapter should be up on Sunday :D

xx

Forget Me Not Ch.48 TEASER :D

Hey guys!

I know this one is overdue! I was doing so well with the schedule, but work has been kicking my ass the last two weeks so I had no time whatsoever to write!

I sat down today and managed to hammer out the chapter though. I have to warn you that it's dark...much darker than I thought it was going to be. Maybe I should be worried at how easily I can write darkness and angst?

Anyways, the chapter will be up as soon as I get replies out to your wonderful reviews on ffn :D

Enjoy x

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Chapter 48 - Darkness

Every night before sleep took me, I felt the same raw pain in my chest.

It was like it waited in the darkness for me, and pounced the second I was at my most vulnerable.

I was trying to deal with it.

I was adamant that it wasn’t going to break me, but fighting it, quelling it, was the hardest thing I think I’ve ever had to do.

Tears fell silently onto my pillow as I recalled the pain in Edward’s voice when I told him it was over. My heart would replay the pain it felt at the time, over and over, intensifying it in my loneliness. I knew it was for the best, but it was ripping me to shreds and I had no idea how to stop it from destroying me.

Jasper could tell. Hell, I think everyone could tell. They all watched me carefully at school, deliberately avoiding the topic of Edward altogether. Alice pulled me away from my locker and into a tight hug one afternoon before I went to biology – alone, as Edward had yet to come back to school – but that been the extent of it. Other than that, it was one massive elephant in the room that no one wanted to address.

It wasn’t until the following Monday that my strength was truly put to the test. Edward was back at school. I watched with mounting anxiety as his silver Volvo pulled into the school parking lot. I noticed him slow down as he entered, turning his wheels in the direction of my truck, but at the last minute he zoomed over to the opposite side and parked by the trees.

I knew it was inevitable, that he had to come back. I overheard Alice telling Jasper in the lunch queue on Friday that he was still recovering from the aftereffects of his panic attack. She said he was weak, suffering from migraines and irritable. She also said that he was becoming restless, staring at his phone when he thought no one was looking and spending equal amounts staring at his car keys.

The end of her sentence hung in the air. I wasn’t sure if they knew I’d heard, but we all knew what the latter of all of that stemmed from. He wanted me to call, or at least reply to the three texts he’d sent me. He was staring at his car keys because he was fighting the overwhelming urge to run away again. Whether he wanted to come and see me was another thing, I was genuinely unsure whether he wanted that or not.

I knew my breaking up with him was somewhat of a final straw for him, but with the positive things Alice whispered, I found solace in the fact that it had been the right thing to do. She’d returned home from school to find him talking heatedly with his therapist. I found out she was now staying with the Cullens, and Edward was getting around the clock care. She said, loud enough this time for me to hear, the he had refused antidepressants and drugs, saying he wanted to know if he was strong enough to get through it on his own.

My heart welled with pride the same time my eyes pricked with tears. He must have been so scared, so alone and so hurt, but he was fighting it by himself, adamant that he do it on his own. He was so much stronger than he realized, and I hoped he’d come to the same realization as me – that he could do it on his own.

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Chapter should be up by the weekend!! :D

TEASER: Forget Me Not Ch-47 :)

Forget Me Not - Chapter 47 - Alone

** TEASER**

I was sure in my head, somewhere, I knew why Bella was avoiding my calls, but I guessed I just didn’t want to face it. I needed her to forgive me, or at least to see me so I could apologize the way she deserved. What she did after that was her decision, but I knew for certain when a whole day passed of her avoiding me that I would fight whatever that decision was.

I was confined to my bed, told I had to rest completely to give my body a chance to recover. As I lay there, my stomach was in knots, gnawing away at my insides, telling me I didn’t stand a chance with Bella after what had happened. After the way I had treated her. My phone was never far from my reach, and I waited anxiously for it to ring. Fuck if it did. I would even sometimes check to see if I’d accidentally turned it off, or if it was on silent, but I knew better, deep down I knew she didn’t want to see me.

We were over, but I couldn’t come to terms with it.

I kept my sketchbook beside me, tracing my fingers over the countless drawings I had done for her since we’d met. I couldn’t stop myself from wondering if I’d ever drawn her before. Surely I must have. Where was everything from my time in New York? There had to be receipts or ticket stubs I’d kept, mementos from our dates, if we even ever had any.

I tried to remember the way she felt beneath my hands that weekend in the tent, the way her skin tasted when I kissed her, the noises she made when I held her the right way, the scent of her hair when I buried my face in her neck. It only frustrated me further when I couldn’t remember the way her laugh sounded when I said something funny, it was completely obliterated by the sound of her screaming at me that day in her house. It played on repeat in my head and no matter what I did, I couldn’t get it out.

She’d stayed Wednesday night with me, but then she’d left first thing in the morning. Did she just need time to herself to understand how she was feeling? She’d taken care of me; she loved me. I could feel it in her touch. I found myself panicking; maybe I’d imagined it, willed it to be true. What if she no longer loved me?

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I'm afraid I can't keep to my two week deadline this week, but I promise this chapter won't be more than a few days late :) I'm already at 3500 thousand words, and I know where I'm going, so until it is posted, I hope you savour this little tease to bide you over :D

Sarah x

FMN Ch.46 Track!

Chapter 46 of Forget Me Not has gone live!!

Here's the link if you need it, but by now I'm pretty sure you know where to find it :)

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5875203/46/Forget_Me_Not

Also, the song for this chapter was found by complete chance while I was surfing through youtube videos. Leddra is an English singer/songwriter, but hardly known at all. I think this should change. Check out her youtube page and her amazing songs.

This one is A Little Easier and the lyrics are scarily right for the chapter, but my fave has got to be Story so check em both out if you have the time!! :D

Anyways, hope you enjoy the chapter and I hope to hear from you!! This one is dedicated to Fathers Day, so happy Dad's Day to all the dad's and dads-to-be out there!

Sarah x

FMN Ch.46 Teaser :D

Hey all!!

I'm on schedule again this chapter for posting! Really happy that it looks like I'm back into the swing of things :)

Anyways, the chapter should be going up either tomorrow or Monday, but in the mean time I thought I'd leave you with a wee teaser :D

Enjoy xx

Chapter 46 - Go A Little Easier

Everything hurt, like seriously, everything.

My head was heavy, with an ache right up the centre of my skull, my legs were cramped from being in the same position, and my eyes had me wanting to scream in pain when I opened them. Not to mention my chest, fuck, everything in my chest hurt.

Someone had just shut the door. That was what had woken me up. I glanced at the clock, screwing my eyes up to try and read it. I couldn’t really make sense of what I was reading and wondered why the hell my brain couldn’t just tell me what time it was.

What the fuck had Carlisle given me?

I remembered him talking to me in that doctor-y tone of his, his hand on my shoulder as he told me to breathe. I remembered him sticking a needle in my arm and the fuzziness that crept over me as he laid me down. I remembered the anger I felt at him fucking putting me out like a light, but then I remembered the warmth and calm that spread through my whole body and that maybe I shouldn’t have felt so angry towards him, he was only trying to help.

The sound of Emmett’s Jeep starting up from the garage told me that maybe they had headed to school and that’s what had woken me.

The more I thought about it, the more I realised I had been perfectly content sleeping away my demons. It had been peaceful, uninterrupted.

No, I thought suddenly. It had been interrupted. I had woken for apparently no reason and Bella had been right there. I thought it was a dream, that I’d projected her face to where I wanted to see it most in the world. She was watching me quietly a few yards from where I was lying. She looked like shit, but she was still the most beautiful girl in the world.

My thoughts jarred me back into reality. She was the only girl I’d ever thought that about. There was no other girl, no mystery girlfriend from my time in New York. The relief I felt was palpable and I sank back onto the sofa slowly.

**~~**

Story Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5875203/1/Forget_Me_Not
Banner Link: http://i784.photobucket.com/albums/yy130/LiveInDakota/ForgetMeNotBanner.png

FMN Ch.44 Track :)

This chapter song comes courtesy of Paramore...I don't actually know why I haven't used them before because I've loved Hayley and the gang since one of my close friends introduced me to them before the Twilight films even surfaced...so go Lauren for that one :)

Anyways, I thought it mildly fitting with the way both E & B are feeling in this one, so it just had to be used :)

As always, I'll leave you a little link if you haven't heard it before, but shame on you if you haven't :)

See you next time!

Sarah x

Paramore - We Are Broken

FMN Chapter 40!

Wow, I honestly can't believe how far we've come!

Not only has Forget Me Not turned 1, we've hit chapter 4o, that is a massive milestone for me and I'm so super thankful y'all are still with me :)

Your response to this chapter has literally blown me away. I realize I've probably said this before, but there is no other way to put it. I love you guys and I hope y'all gave my wee ending A/N a read because it was all genuine.

We've had some bumps along the way, we've lost friends and family, but we all know that we still have friends and stories to help us escape for just a little while. That is what you are after all, friends. I've met so many wonderful people in the crazy obsessed world of ours and I am thankful for you all.

Chapter 40 wasn't a happy one, but the fact that you all loved it anyway humbles me. I'm so happy I managed to write it in a way that y'all were happy with, especially after all the doubters got to me for a while there.

Your waits are increasing between chapters, and I can only apologise for that, but it's becoming increasingly difficult for me to finish this fic. It was my first, and will always be my baby, and I promise y'all will get your HEA, just bear with me while I get through it :)

Incase you didn't catch it, I FLOVE you all, and I thank you for reading thus far. I hope I end it in a way that does it justice and I hope you stick with me in the future because there's more crazy rides coming :)

Thank you!!

Sarah xx

PROGRESS!

Guys!!!!!!! I finished writing chapter 36 of Forget Me Not, like 10 mins ago!!!!!!

How good is this?? After months of writer's block, I've managed to get 2.5 chapters down in two weeks :):) Love this!!!

Anyways, just so I have a wee backlog set up, chapter 36 won't be going up until next weekend :)

Hopefully you'll all be patient, after all, two weeks is a hell of a lot better than 6 :P

There is a MASSIVE curveball coming, so I hope y'all are prepared for it! I was left a pretty upsetting flame a few days ago after chapter 35, pretty much saying my characterisations suck. So, EPOV is going to give you a little explanation as to why E is behaving as he is...maybe it'll seem less "stupid" to her then, huh? :P I'm not bitter at all :P

I wonder who'll guess it right? E likes to keep us on our toes...just when you thought you knew how he was feeling...

Dun dun duh!

Lol, I hope y'all enjoy what I've done, I loved writing it :)

See you next week!!

*Squishes*

What We Learned in Chapter 33!

Soooooooooooo, that was one long ass conversation was it not???? 6500 words dedicated to E & B trying to sort their shit out! And E still doesn't know the whole truth!!!!!! What will it take?? :O



Anyways, because I put so much in there I would just like to make sure that y'all did actually catch it all!

• E still doesn't know what was in the envelope, Bella was the one who had that flashback, not E.


• Bella can't have kids.


• We finally know exactly what is wrong with Bella. If you want you can Google her syndrome, but I assure you it is real, and not something anyone wants to live with.
  
• Bella is losing her hair...but why?


• E has put the pieces together - kind of - just like Emmett told him to do! Only, he won't face the truth? Because the poor boy knows that the only thing tangible in his life is his relationship with Bella. Would you want that to disappear if you were him?


• We FINALLY know where E was the night Lauren told us he slept with her. I mean, we all knew he didn't do it, but now we know the truth! Phew!


• And least importantly...we know where E's change of clothes came from...lol :P


• Did I miss anything??

Lol, let me know if I did :) And I hope y'all enjoyed the chapter! :)

Sarah xx

Third Nomination!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Guess what?? Okay so the title of this post kind of gives it away...but you can still guess if you want :P

I've just been notified that I am up for a third award!!! That's three in like...2 months :):) This time it's me that's getting recognised :P

I'm up for Mistress of Mystery at the Twinklings Walk of Fame Awards! How awesome?

Should I take offense that y'all seem to think I leave you hanging around for answers? Lol tis cool I'm not a cliffie bitch but I do know that y'all have waited a longggggggg time for some of the answers in FMN :)

Thanks for sticking with me :P I'll let you know when it's open for voting :)

Love you all!!

xx

Shock Horror!

OH MY GOD GUYS GUESS WHAT?????????????

No, no, none of that...jeez stay on track! :P

I just finished writing chapter 28 of FMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

This is actual so exciting????????????? I can't believe I did it!!!! F*** You writer's block! :)

Word of warning though? I actually cried while writing a part of it...that has NEVER happened to me before...this is not a happy chapter! :(

I'm thinking a week? I should leave it a lengthy amount of time to both give me time to prepare 29 and not get your hopes up about quick updates all of a sudden :P

Thanks so much for all your amazing reviews on chapter 28...it was a big one for me as you guys know! I love all your support!

Peace!

xx

Vote For FMN!

Hey guys!

VOTING HAS OPENED! Over on the Twilight All-Human Awards :)

You can vote by clicking the following link!

http://www.twilightallhumanawards.webs.com/ Click on the tab "Voting" and then the link that says "place your vote" :)


Forget Me Not is around half way down the list for question 3!

Please, please, please vote! :)

Sarah xx

Award Nomination! :)

Hey guys!

Just a little note to tell you that Forget Me Not has been nominated for a Twilight All-Human Award! :O:O

It's under the category of "Fanfiction that had you hooked for drama." Can you believe that? When have I ever left y'all hanging with my angst??? Lol :)

I'm beyond honoured by this, and I've yet to find out who nominated me but y'all can know that it means soo much to me in the most genuine way :)

Voting doesn't open until August 30th but after that I'll be hounding you all to go on over and vote for us! :)

Thanks!

Love you all!

Sarah xx

Esme Bashers Anonymous

Hey all!

It's been a while since chapter 26 of FMN went up I know but life has been rough for the past few weeks :P

As promised the names have been narrowed down and I've chosen our remaining special few for the group! The names as are follows...

• LiveInDakota
  


• mrsedwardcullen912



• sweetiedolphin



• Daisy-Snow



• DodgerMcClure



• Balti K



• amynic1



• Laura AK-A

I finally declare our group EBA open! Let the bashing commence...

*EBA does not condone domestic abuse or any other kind...and yes I know...the picture sucks... :)

Banner by Mel!

Hey all!

Just a quick note that the awesome Mel has taken some time out to create me a banner :P

Y'all can check it out at the bottom of the page (hers will have her name beside it), where it'll always stay :)

THANKS MEL!!!!!!!! :)

Love ya xxxxxxxx

New Banner...

It has come to that time again folks!

Forget Me Not needs a new banner, one that is up to date and on the money with what is happening...

I'm totally rubbish at banners...I don't even know where to start tbh...some of the work out there is amazing and I know I can't do that :P

Is there anyone out there willing to make me a kick ass one? You will be rewarded! As always! :P I leave it to your creative genius but I will ask one thing...it has to have the FMN line in it...you know the one...where Edward goes all cute? :P

"The only thing that defines me...is you..."

Pretty please????????

Over and out xxxxx