I know this one is overdue! I was doing so well with the schedule, but work has been kicking my ass the last two weeks so I had no time whatsoever to write!
I sat down today and managed to hammer out the chapter though. I have to warn you that it's dark...much darker than I thought it was going to be. Maybe I should be worried at how easily I can write darkness and angst?
Anyways, the chapter will be up as soon as I get replies out to your wonderful reviews on ffn :D
Enjoy x
****
Chapter 48 - Darkness
Every night before sleep took me, I felt the same raw pain
in my chest.
It was like it waited in the darkness for me, and pounced
the second I was at my most vulnerable.
I was trying to deal with it.
I was adamant that it wasn’t going to break me, but fighting
it, quelling it, was the hardest thing I think I’ve ever had to do.
Tears fell silently onto my pillow as I recalled the pain in
Edward’s voice when I told him it was over. My heart would replay the pain it
felt at the time, over and over, intensifying it in my loneliness. I knew it
was for the best, but it was ripping me to shreds and I had no idea how to stop
it from destroying me.
Jasper could tell. Hell, I think everyone could tell. They
all watched me carefully at school, deliberately avoiding the topic of Edward
altogether. Alice pulled me away from my locker and into a tight hug one
afternoon before I went to biology – alone, as Edward had yet to come back to
school – but that been the extent of it. Other than that, it was one massive
elephant in the room that no one wanted to address.
It wasn’t until the following Monday that my strength was
truly put to the test. Edward was back at school. I watched with mounting
anxiety as his silver Volvo pulled into the school parking lot. I noticed him
slow down as he entered, turning his wheels in the direction of my truck, but
at the last minute he zoomed over to the opposite side and parked by the trees.
I knew it was inevitable, that he had to come back. I
overheard Alice telling Jasper in the lunch queue on Friday that he was still
recovering from the aftereffects of his panic attack. She said he was weak,
suffering from migraines and irritable. She also said that he was becoming
restless, staring at his phone when he thought no one was looking and spending
equal amounts staring at his car keys.
The end of her sentence hung in the air. I wasn’t sure if
they knew I’d heard, but we all knew what the latter of all of that stemmed
from. He wanted me to call, or at least reply to the three texts he’d sent me.
He was staring at his car keys because he was fighting the overwhelming urge to
run away again. Whether he wanted to come and see me was another thing, I was
genuinely unsure whether he wanted that or not.
I knew my breaking up with him was somewhat of a final straw
for him, but with the positive things Alice whispered, I found solace in the
fact that it had been the right thing to do. She’d returned home from school to
find him talking heatedly with his therapist. I found out she was now staying
with the Cullens, and Edward was getting around the clock care. She said, loud
enough this time for me to hear, the he had refused antidepressants and drugs,
saying he wanted to know if he was strong enough to get through it on his own.
My heart welled with pride the same time my eyes pricked
with tears. He must have been so scared, so alone and so hurt, but he was
fighting it by himself, adamant that he do it on his own. He was so much
stronger than he realized, and I hoped he’d come to the same realization as me –
that he could do it on his own.
****
Chapter should be up by the weekend!! :D
No comments:
Post a Comment